A Tale of 2 Musicians (1 of 2)

During my time in the dating game, I've had the chance to date two musicians. No, not at the same time, that would be weird. But nevertheless, I have dated two musicians. Both were worlds apart, may I add. For example, one is actually signed to a record label, and has produced actual music that is available for streaming on Spotify, whilst the other is happy busking his little heart out in Liverpool city centre; getting about £70 in an hour if he starts playing a Beatles song. No doubt about it, both were incredibly talented. However, neither of them were for me.

As a stereotypical white girl, I've always loved the idea of dating a rockstar, or a musician. I mean come on, who hasn't? But honestly? I think I'll stick with dreaming about it rather than actually attempting to do it. Because let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Although hey, maybe I just dated the wrong musicians.

After coming out of a relationship, my first Tinder date this year was with a musician; 'C'. A part Scottish, part Scouse musician. I think the fact that he was a musician was the reason I swiped 'right' on his profile actually. He looked cool. Edgy. Artsy. Different. Plus, if you can play some kind of instrument, or have any talent at all - I'll probably instantly find you attractive. He wore denim jackets and Doc Martens; so old school. None of that iced gem haircut, or Yeezys that every guy seems to have, and wear these days. And I loved that. His Instagram was full of gigs he'd attended, or videos of himself busking, or even doing his own gigs. He could sing, play guitar and piano. He had a lovely voice. Though, I'm just glad that when you upload a video on Instagram, it doesn't tell you how many times a specific person has watched it. Because, I shit you not... I must've watched his a good 39437 times, and that's no lie. I guess you could say I was in awe of his voice and talent. I was impressed. I was certainly willing to let him sing me to sleep. 

Anyway, after we matched we began talking, (obviously). And you know how it goes, after exchanging a few messages you opt to messaging via another app/messenger. So that happened, and before I knew it, we were talking via Instagram messages and Snapchat. Yes, two completely different conversations with the same person - I like that sometimes though. It makes me feel as though someone is genuinely interested in talking to me. It can be fun. We talked pretty much all day, every day. Apart from times when we couldn't, like when he was in work. I remember one time, actually, it might have been more than one time; we stayed up until 3am texting. Pointless things, random stories. It was nice, especially having come from a relationship where texting did not exist. I really enjoyed talking to him. Not only did he have good banter, he was sarcastic as hell, but confident with it; in a good way. Naturally we talked music, and I discovered that he liked old music. The music my parents and your parents would listen to. Forget chart music. Now, The 1975 are one of my favourite bands. 'C' said he'd heard of them, but not actually listened to their music, (I know, what a travesty). Fair to say that by the end of that chat, he had listened to their entire album.

We got to know each other very easily. He was easy to talk to, well text, and my god did he have some witty, quick one liners that really did make me laugh at times. He lived in Liverpool which was a good thing, and he also worked in a shop in town. However, he wasn't in any education. Like a true musician, he quit college to pursue music as a career. Rebel. I admired that though. Education isn't for everyone. It was so refreshing to know someone so chill and laid back. Someone who didn't feel the need to be in education to get by in life, or through it. Someone who did their own thing and didn't give a fuck.

'C' was ever so polite too. I mean, I've had the crudest things said to me by guys about my body, but he was extremely respectful. I remember once when he complimented me, he followed by saying, "sorry if that seems weird in any way, or offensive" - he actually cared about not coming across like a creep, whereas most guys... don't, and then wonder why they don't get a reply.

Another thing, I can't remember how it came about, but I do remember 'C' saying to me that he assumed I would be into "big heavies" at the gym; not someone like him. This is a common misconception people seem to have about me. But the thing is, I don't have a type, and if I did - it wouldn't be a big, muscular guy from the gym. I like a guy who can actually fit through the door, and isn't checking his abs, or himself out in the mirror every 5 minutes. Equally, I don't care whether you're into the gym or you're not. If you are, great - we have something in common, and we could potentially train together. If not, it's no big deal... just as long as you don't try and stop me from gymming at say, 6am one morning by wanting me to stay in bed instead. Let me do me, and I'll let you do you. I mean, sure it's great if someone is conscious about their health and fitness, but it's not something I go looking for in a person.

'C' did ask me out very early on, however we both had plans so had to wait a little before we could actually meet up. He asked whether I had been to the Peaky Blinders bar in Liverpool, and even though I lived in the exact area of where that bar is - I actually hadn't been. So we agreed to go there one Sunday afternoon for some drinks, and depending how things went - go into town afterwards. After bagging a date, that was when 'C' decided to tell me he smoked. Honestly? I wasn't phased. I don't smoke myself, nor will I ever - but what someone else does is their decision. Apparently, he didn't tell me this right away, or want to in case it put me "off" him, as he knew I was "super into health and fitness." Yet, he felt like he had to tell me, because the last thing he wanted to do was make me feel "uncomfortable by lighting up" on our date - how considerate! I said it was totally fine, providing he didn't leave me stranded in a bar to go and smoke outside. Though I was kidding about that, really.

In the time leading up to our date, 'C' went out one night after work with his coworkers. I remember him texting me throughout the night, which I thought was sweet. Then, at some point he told me that his friends had really pissed him off, but wouldn't tell me why. As I wanted to make sure everything was OK - after a while, he did tell me. Basically, he had told them about our date, and they asked to see photos of me. So he showed them my Instagram, which led to them making some real laddish comments about me, and the way I look - which aggravated him. I think the fact that he got really worked up about their comments shows how respectful he was of not just me, but I imagine of any woman. That's something you don't see a lot of these days. At least, I don't. Around 2am that night, he text to see if I was still up, and if I was, could I call him while he waited for a taxi. Usually, I'll talk to anyone about anything - but when I saw that he wanted me to call him... my heart literally ended up in my mouth. How unexpected. Oh god. Thankfully though, my assistance in helping the time pass while he waited for a taxi wasn't needed; there was no phone call. I was disappointed, but also very relieved.

I didn't hear from him all morning the next day. To be fair, I didn't expect to either. I guessed that he would perhaps be feeling a little worse for wear. Later that day though, I had a Facebook notification - 'C'. He somehow managed to completely break his phone, and was having to message me on his kindle. Again, the fact that he went to this amount of effort to contact me, and let me know what had happened, as well as just to talk to me, was new to me. I know that sounds stupid, and maybe even like a normal thing to do - but I hadn't really experienced that before. I certainly didn't from 'J'. The bad thing about him having no phone was the fact we were meeting up the very next day (Sunday). This meant he would be meeting, in essence, a stranger from online without a mobile phone in case of any emergency. I mean, I could have been anyone really. Hell, I could have even stood him up!

THE DATE...

I don't know what it was, but I actually felt nervous to meet him on that Sunday. And I never get nervous. I think the fact that he was a musician made me feel as though he was too cool for me. Like I say, I don't know what it was. But I do know that when I was leaving to meet him, I was quite the nervous wreck.

Since 'C' didn't have a phone, I just had to take his word that he would be at the place we said we would meet, at the agreed time. Walking towards where we'd arranged, I could see a blue Levi's denim jacket in the distance; 'C'.

He couldn't have been expecting me quite that soon as he had his back to me, and had just lit a cigarette. Anyway, we hugged and that's when I noticed - he was shaking like a leaf. Uh oh. I thought I was nervous. We headed off, and all of the nerves and excitement that I had built up, and were present just moments before had disappeared; like that. And I know he said he was part Scottish, but I wasn't expecting him to actually have the accent. So that was a surprise. It was strange, but after a while it no longer sounded as prominent.

Now, this will sound terrible, and I'm finding it hard to write in a way that doesn't make me sound nasty. But sometimes, you meet someone... and you immediately just don't 'feel' it, right? It happens, and that's what happened here. In layman terms, basically; I got my hopes up, and was kind of disappointed. There, I said it. That's not to mean he wasn't who I had been speaking to, because he was. Yet, he wasn't quite the person that I had decided he was. But that's my fault. I think I got a little too preoccupied with the whole 'musician' thing to even think about what he would be like in person, one on one. Without the guitar and music. It's not that he disappointed me as such, it was more that I had disappointed myself. I thought that as soon as we met, we'd click. But we didn't, and I wasn't prepared for that.

Sure, he was the same cute, blonde guy that I had been speaking to. Who by the way, looked like a mix between Tobey Maguire and Daniel Barlow in Coronation Street, (I can't watch Corrie now without thinking of 'C' when I see Daniel...). But something was missing. That famous 'spark' you hear people talk about; wasn't there. Even from the get-go, for me. He wasn't quite as confident as I presumed he would be from the texting, and the performing. I mean, I like eye contact when people talk to me, or when I'm on dates - but 'C' could barely look at me. All night it was me who was doing the talking, and almost taking the lead in conversations. I mean, I do talk a lot anyway - so that was probably expected. But still, he wasn't as talkative. The silences that we had were awkward.

Still, we did head into town for some more drinks, despite me feeling this way. I thought that maybe the longer we spent together, and the more drink he had (bad way of thinking, I know...), that maybe he would loosen up a little, and fully relax. Unfortunately, that didn't really happen. To be fair though, I do recall him saying that this was one of the first Tinder dates that he had been on - so I guess him being this nervous did made sense. But thinking about it, maybe he wasn't even nervous, it might have just been me assuming that? Either way, I wasn't feeling it at all, and I felt awful.

So yes, I was having a good night with him. And as time passed, he did seem a little more at ease. Heck, we stayed up until 3am! But sadly, it just didn't go as well as I thought, and hoped it would. 

Before leaving, 'C' asked for a second date. What, seriously? That's something I wasn't expecting. See, I didn't pick up on any signs that indicated he would have wanted a second date either. I couldn't say no there and then because although I didn't 'feel' it, I thought that maybe we should have another date. To be sure there was no spark. So with that, I basically did agree to a second date. Then upon leaving, 'C' kissed me goodbye. Now that, in itself... was something I didn't see coming either. It completely caught me off guard. More so than him asking me out on a second date actually. I couldn't prevent the kiss from happening either because it happened before I had a chance to do anything about it. Agh.

AFTERWARDS... 

At first, I wasn't completely sure of what to do. Should I see him again? Part of me wanted to, because maybe it was just a case of first date nerves. He's only human. Plus, I was nervous at first anyway. Maybe a second date was worth it, to discover whether or not there was something further to explore when all the nervousness goes away. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like he should have an opportunity to go on other dates. Meet more people, gain experience, and build up some confidence, you know. I could be totally wrong about this, perhaps that's just the type of guy he was. Quiet. Humble. Like that was his aura. Yet, I couldn't help but feel like he lacked a little confidence in the dating/girls department. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with that; everyone is different. Except this situation made me aware of just how much confidence matters to me in a guy.

We continued to text for a few days afterwards, and I was still thinking of what I should do. Eventually, I decided I didn't want a second date, and I certainly didn't want to lead him on either. So I had to tell him; speedily. Despite a lot of thinking, I really didn't think that there would be a spark the second time around. I felt like I would have only been agreeing to that second date out of pity, and he deserved better than that. We were too different as people, sharing an interest in mainly one thing - music. I'm familiar with the whole 'opposites attract' thing, but we were just too opposite. Which was a real shame. A shame because 'C' was a very lovely person, who I am happy that I got to meet, and have a date with. Even if it was only the one date.

At the time, this was one of the few dates where I didn't want a second one. Dating, and having to let someone down is not plain sailing for me; it never will be. But I have to be honest with people. Always. It's the one policy I live by. It's hard, but it has to be done sometimes. Even if it makes you (me) feel terrible. It's weird, although I was only being honest with 'C', I still couldn't help but feel bad about it. There's something about letting someone down that inspires a real writers block in me when it comes to knowing what to say. Because essentially, I am rejecting them. And I know how disheartened I would feel if someone told me they didn't want a second date, after thinking it had gone well. I didn't want to step on his feelings, and I tried to treat him how I would have wanted to be treated in that situation. I didn't beat around the bush, and I didn't (for once), write a long easy-to-misinterpret essay. It was hard, but I did it.

Now, I believe every experience (or, date in my case...) teaches you something. The most important thing that not only this date has taught me, but other dates too, is that whether it's the first, second, or even third date... I don't owe a guy anything. I do not need to feel guilty if I don't 'feel' it with someone. Nor do I need to feel guilty for not wanting to date someone again.

You should own your choice. And there's no need to be a dick about it - just state it clearly, and then continue your search for that Mr Right. Because not only will you feel better about yourself for being honest and giving the guy closure, you'll also feel proud. I know I did. There's nothing worse than being ghosted after a date, trust me.

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It seems as though I am a sucker for punishment though, because this date did not stop me from agreeing to go on a date with another musician some time afterwards... will I ever learn?

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Dating, Tinder