Black Summer

Here is a little tip for anyone out there who is thinking of getting themselves on the dating scene: make sure you are completely over your ex. Please. I know there is a phrase that goes along the lines of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" ... and having been there and done that myself, I can honestly say that it doesn't always work. Not only does it make you feel shit (at least, that's how it made me feel), it also makes the other person feel shit because you're basically using them to fill your void. Especially if you're not upfront and honest about it. Which, let's be honest... not many of you would be.

So, having dated no end of fuck boys and a fair few psychopaths (whose dates I will never write about), it was about time I dated someone who, despite having many positive traits, also came with baggage, wasn't it? Emotional baggage; per se. And that's where 'L' came along.

J is for...

J o k e. Now, I’m up for a laugh as much as the next person is. But, when you’re made to feel like the butt of that joke… not only is it not funny; it actually hurts.

You’d think that as a grown up woman of 23, I would have learnt my lesson by now when it comes to guys. Yet, I’m still capable of falling for the wrong type of guy and ignoring every single red flag that greets me on my way. And that’s exactly what happened with ‘J', and it's more fool me, really.

It’s guys like ‘J’ that I’ve spent years of my life being played, chewed up and then spat out by. Guys who flirt with you, send mixed messages and lie to you. Guys who will promise you the world and make you happy for a split second just in order to get laid. Guys who lead you on so that you fall for them and then disappear when you do; like as though that wasn’t supposed to happen and you weren’t meant to catch feelings. I know this pattern of behaviour and after years of learning what signs to look out for and stay clear of; I thought I was doing well. But then, ‘J’ happened… and, for some stupid reason, I fell hook line and sinker for every word he said to me. Every single warning sign was there, but the thing is with me; I like to see the good in people.

One Year On...

So, I first started writing this blog last August. It wasn’t planned and it was actually a friend who suggested I start writing it in the first place because my love life was (and still is) that laughable that you couldn’t possibly write it. That is, unless you’re me.

Not much has changed in the last year, really. I started this blog single and using online dating apps and I’m writing this post in the same position. I’m still single and I’m still, reluctantly and shamefully using Tinder and Bumble. Deactivating both regularly. Although things are pretty much the same as they were this time last year in terms of my relationship status, I have still been on quite a journey in that time. For instance, I have managed to have my heart broken for first time by a guy who wasn’t actually my boyfriend, a few ‘almosts’ with one or two people and even one actual relationship. Well I mean, if you can call 4 months a ‘relationship’ anyway. So yeah, I’d say that’s a bit of a journey.

There is one thing that has changed over the last year though and that is… me. I now know what I want and what I deserve thanks to the madness that is ‘dating’. My skin has got a lot thicker and I am much stronger than I was a year ago. For example, now: if I’m ghosted? Cool. If I’m dumped? Plenty of fish still left in the sea. If someone doesn’t like me back? Life goes on; I’m not everyones cup of tea. If I don’t get a text back? well, I’m not going to double text you, so I guess that’s that and our ‘talking stage’ is over. I’m really not hung up over things like this any more; shit happens and this is what dating life (mine anyway) is like. You get used to it.

So, enough said and without going into too much detail about people I’ve met and dates that I’ve had; here’s a bit of how my year of dating has gone so far, how it’s made me feel and where I’m currently at…