What I Hate About Tinder

Way back in 2017, before I ever entered the world of online dating; I was never keen on the idea of Tinder whenever someone I knew was using it. To me, I saw it (actually, I do still see it…) as an app you download when you hit a low point in your dating life and are just looking to hook up with anyone and everyone. Having eventually reached that point in my so-called dating life though; I ended up being another millennial who downloaded it, because what other way would I meet someone these days? It’s sad to think that there was once a time where romance could blossom by catching someone’s eye in a bar (mum and dad, I’m thinking of you), or bumping into someone in your university library. None of this superficial swiping left or right based on a persons photo nonsense. But the thing is, our generation has now succumb to the idea of online dating as being the future. Is it only me that finds that such a shame?

I mean, sure Tinder can be great app if you’re someone who is not into the whole meeting someone face-to-face thing; but if that’s the case, then why are you bothering at all? Surely at some point if you’re talking to someone; you will end up meeting them. I don’t know, I think I find Tinder incredibly tedious for someone like myself, because admittedly; I am a hopeless (more like helpless) romantic. But Tinder is not really taken seriously by most users which makes finding genuine people as easy as trying to find a needle in a haystack; as they say. It seems to prevent solid relationships forming rather than allowing them to. It’s a quick fix and something to go to when you’re bored. I suppose it can even help boost your confidence in a way when you see that you have a new match. Whatever it is, I have never really found any kind of temporary satisfaction from it. I’m not comfortable with the idea of judging a person purely on their looks, but because of the way Tinder operates... that's exactly what I do. 

Believe it or not, I try not to linger on Tinder for too long because I find myself engaging in conversations with people out of pure boredom half of the time; both of us knowing full well it will not go any further. I go through phases of downloading the app and deleting it. Each time I download it, after just a few swipes and matches that lead to nothing but monotonous conversations or better yet, opening liners that could only be coming from an immature ‘LAD’; I'm nothing but reminded as to why I delete it in the first place. Yet, I’ll still occasionally download it despite this. It’s a bit addictive in a way. You want to see if you’ve had any new matches or if anyone ‘new’ pops up within your location settings or something. Anyway, I really do hope there will be a day where I just say bollocks to Tinder and delete it once and for all; either because I am happily loved up with someone (I can dream, right?) or because I have finally accepted the inevitable in that I will be forever alone. 

So floating between having Tinder and not, I’ve realised all of the things that annoy the hell out of me (personally) about it; or more specifically, about guys on it. It all screams the question of why do I still turn to it sometimes when in reality, I get nothing but a stiff sore thumb from swiping left and some sort of lasting emptiness. Anyway, here are some of the things that I hate about Tinder; as a girl looking for a guy.

D is for...

Depression. There. The one word that so many of us still struggle to say, admit that we suffer with, or have suffered with. Even though it is one of the most common mental health problems. Although the stigma around depression is slowly being broken, it’s also still very much alive and kicking. It may be 2019 now, but depression is still seriously misunderstood. And I know this because, well, I suffer with it. So this is my conscious effort to help break the stigma even more this year. 

A Tale of 2 Musicians (1 of 2)

During my time in the dating game, I've had the chance to date two musicians. No, not at the same time, that would be weird. But nevertheless, I have dated two musicians. Both were worlds apart, may I add. For example, one is actually signed to a record label, and has produced actual music that is available for streaming on Spotify, whilst the other is happy busking his little heart out in Liverpool city centre; getting about £70 in an hour if he starts playing a Beatles song. No doubt about it, both were incredibly talented. However, neither of them were for me.

As a stereotypical white girl, I've always loved the idea of dating a rockstar, or a musician. I mean come on, who hasn't? But honestly? I think I'll stick with dreaming about it rather than actually attempting to do it. Because let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Although hey, maybe I just dated the wrong musicians.

I Do Not Hook Up

OK, when did it become acceptable for guys to think they can sweet talk their way into your pants like it’s a one-banana task? Dishing out attention and compliments like sweets 24/7, and making you feel that ‘special’ that you can hardly believe your luck.

As intense and passionate as it can be, you need to watch out these days. Well, I did anyway. A ‘too much too soon’ type of guy will never be a good thing, and will never take advantage of me. No matter how irresistible and charming they may be. They can try all they like, but here’s the thing: I do not hook up. Just like that Kelly Clarkson song says, I go slow. If you want me, I don’t come cheap.

Now, there is nothing wrong with hooking up whatsoever, providing it’s something both parties want and agree to do, you know? At the end of the day, you do you. But in this situation, I didn’t want that. I never have, and I probably never will.

See, I always want more than just me, a guy and some fun. I’m not too sure why as I’ve spent a good 7 years of my life now in relationships, and not one has fucking worked out, (obviously). So you’d think that would put me off anything long-term, but for some reason… it doesn’t. I know what I like; stability.

Boys Will Always Be Boys

My last relationship was certainly er, different to say the least. Now, I know different isn’t necessarily always a bad thing, however in this case… and, looking back? It kind of was. In funny a way though, I am glad about that now. Glad because it’s shown me that you should know your worth. Always.

"You've Changed" - No Shit

There is one thing that I get told by almost everyone; “you’ve changed.” Whether it be from a family member, or someone from school, I hear it all the time. Considering I started off as nothing more than an egg that later fertilised, before developing into a fetus, and then an actual, living human-being… I would like to think I have changed quite a bit too. 

No, I know what people really mean when they say “you’ve changed” though. What they mean is, I’m into health and fitness now. I’m a gym girl. I am far from the girl who despised P.E. lessons in school; skiving pretty much every one she could. I am far from the girl who also drastically lost weight, herself, and even looked skeletal at one point. And I am far from the shy, unconfident girl I once was - the one who was scared of what anyone thought of her, and what she had to say. The girl who never told anyone how she was feeling, or what she was really thinking. The one who let people walk all over her; getting away with it. So yes, I am fully aware myself that I have indeed, changed. I have completely transformed myself.

My First Ti... nder Date: Intense With A Capital 'I'

Before this time last year, Tinder was alien to me. Yes, I’d heard of it, and I knew what it was… But as far as I was concerned, it was another world to me; one I thought I would never delve into. Ha, how wrong was I!

 A few months after coming out of a 4 year relationship, a friend suggested I should try Tinder. “It’ll be fun”, she said. So with that, I downloaded the app, created an account, and entered what seemed to be the new ‘norm’. I’d heard a lot about Tinder, most of which wasn’t all that great. It appeared to me that people usually used Tinder for one thing only - hook ups, or as I call it; a smash and dash. Now, I can’t say I knew exactly what I was looking for at the time, but it certainly wasn’t another relationship. At least, not right away. 

Anyway, since this post is about my first Tinder date, and not my actual thoughts on Tinder… I’ll get to it.