This is Acting

According to Google, there are 10 qualities that make a great actor and ‘G’? Well, he happened to have every one of them…

A great actor is someone who is;

1. Captivating
2. Has a true commitment (to an extent, he did; it just didn’t work out for him) 

3. Shows confidence
4. Has insight
5. Able to use their intelligence for role creation
6. Possesses good physical skills
7. Shows a high degree of professionalism
8. Has an innate talent
9. Willingness to work on performance techniques
10. Has some sense of vanity

Scrolling through my Tinder one afternoon or maybe evening, I came across ‘G’. Having looked through his photos, there was something very attractive about him. Skin as white as snow that looked as though it was airbrushed because it was that smooth and sea blue eyes that I lost myself in just by looking at his profile. He had a sharp jawline and for a guy, really good lips; tempting and definitely kissable. The kind of lips you’d want as a girl. Then, there was his hair; long and silky brown. It’s fair to say I wanted to run my hands through it. He wasn’t local but wasn’t too far either and he was also a few years older than me; not that he looked it. He wasn’t clean cut like 99% of guys on Tinder are, he had this rugged look about him and it was hot. He had the whole Pete Doherty vibe going on and I was digging it.

Unlike any other match I’ve had on Tinder; this one was different. In fact, it’s still different. Why? Because he asked for my number immediately and asked to call me. He wasn’t messing about and that’s what I liked. So not even half an hour after we ‘matched’, he had my number and to his word; he called me. To be honest, I instantly liked that. I enjoy phone calls a lot more than I do texting. It was an unexpected way of communicating/getting to know each other. I was and I still am used to texting people either on Tinder or off it eventually. Phone calls from people you haven’t even been on a date with yet is rare. To this day, I have still not had a phone call before meeting someone. People are boring. 

’G’ said that he preferred phone calls because you’re able to tell whether or not you would or ‘gel’ and hit it off in person and I have to agree with that. Phone calls are more effective because me agreeing automatically showed him what kind of person I was. Had I not have agreed to the phone call, ‘G’ would’ve thought that I perhaps wasn’t capable of holding a good conversation or something like that. Plus, sometimes emoji’s just aren’t enough; they don’t say all you want to say. And I mean, how often do you put a line of laughing faces as though you’re in tears of laughter, when in reality you’re sat there with a blank expression? Because I know I’m guilty of doing that. A phone call meant that we could hear each others voices and tones. Again, we all know that sarcasm doesn’t transfer well over text. Having a phone call also meant that I had his undivided attention and he had mine (although, I do distinctly remember ‘G’ having a bath at some point during the call). It meant that we were both dedicated to the conversation which is good because sometimes texting can be so forced and you can be left waiting hours for a reply. Again, if you know me you’ll also know that I can talk, like really talk. So if ‘G’ and I were texting, our messages would turn into essays and become exhausting and not everyone has time to text like that. Especially this guy. 

Seconds after sending my number, my phone rang. I answered and from that moment; we talked for around 3hrs. Yes, you did just read what I said - we had a 3hr, in fact I think it was longer, phone call. And you know what? Not even an hour into it, I felt like I knew him. It was fucking nice. I couldn’t believe how easy he was to talk to and how much I enjoyed the whole chat from start to finish. It was so much better than texting and I can’t believe more people don’t do it. ‘G’ was from Wigan so he had the accent and I liked it as I’d not heard much of it before. It was nice to put a voice to the face faster than I ever had before too. It was as though it made him more attractive to me. His voice suited him and that was even better because sometimes you see someone, hear their voice and then think to yourself; what the fuck is that? You don’t expect that sound or tone to come out of their mouth.

We told each other some stories and he had me in stitches with some of his. As ‘G’ was older than me, he had lived (probably still does, actually) a much more exciting life than I have. For example, he studied acting in Los Angeles as he wanted to be an actor, but long story short; it didn't work out for him and instead it turned out that he had not long started his own business. I can’t remember much about the business but I do know it had something to do with racing cars and I thought it was pretty cool. On top of that, he had his own place. He owned a house, so talk about doing well for himself. 

‘G’ was telling me all of his crazy stories from his 3 years in LA, one included being in a lift with Elijah Wood while taking his ‘trash’ out because they lived in the same apartment block. What’s funny is that people had told ‘G’ at the time that he looked a bit like Elijah and Elijah agreed and said, “I see it”. I was fascinated! I could’ve listened to him all night to be honest. He had so much to say and was by far the most interesting person I was yet to actually meet. ‘G’ also told me of times that he’d met Russell Brand and what it was like dating American girls, etc. The only thing that crossed my mind was why the fuck would you move back to the UK? But then again, part of me was glad because had he not moved home, we wouldn’t have matched on Tinder and I wouldn’t be having this 3 hour phone call with him. At no point did that phone call become exhausting, nor did either of us run out of things to say and ask. Time went SO quickly and if it wasn’t for the time, I’m pretty sure we would have stayed up all night talking. 

We talked about me, but there isn’t much to say about me, really. ‘G’ had read this blog and at the time, I hadn’t long started writing it so we were talking about why I did; that sort of thing. In all honesty, I was way more interested in hearing about him than talking about myself.

Another good thing about a phone call is that there’s an ending to it. Unlike texting where you can fall asleep (which is what I do 99.9% of the time) or leave someone on ‘read’ etc, there comes a point in a phone call where you do have to say goodbye and hang up. Although I didn’t want to, ‘G’ and I did end our phone call by saying goodnight in the end. But even then we exchanged a few text messages instead of going straight to sleep.

THE NEXT DAY...

We texted quite a bit the next day. Not as much as I have text people before but I do understand that people have work and aren’t always glued to their phone. Plus, I knew ‘G’ was in the middle of getting his business out there, so I didn’t expect him to be constantly texting. 

Again that night, and in fact most nights that week; we called each other. Each call again being several hours long. It was as though we had known each other weeks by the way we were talking. Honestly, it was great. 

At the time, I had a lot going on in terms of university so although I wanted to meet, I wasn’t necessarily in any rush to do so. I’d also been seeing people off and on at that point too and obviously it hadn’t worked out (does it ever?). So like I say, I wanted to meet but I wasn’t prepared to drop everything to do so, i.e. uni. Uni was my biggest responsibility at the time and if I’m honest, I was quite scared of meeting him due to what had happened with other dates/people I had met. He sounded interested in me and genuine enough, but I’ve had that so many times before and I still have it now; so I was worried. I didn’t want it to be like every other situation I seemed to have. 

Pretty much from the first phone call, ‘G’ was very insistent on meeting and said that we would get on so well and have a good time. He invited me over to his house and kindly offered to cook me food and stay the night/as long as I wanted. Now, he didn’t live that far from me, but it wasn’t exactly close and I don’t drive. It’s quite funny thinking back because I’m pretty spontaneous, yet… I wasn’t prepared to just go to his place for a ‘date’. It didn’t sit right with me and I couldn’t tell you why. It’s not like ‘G’ sounded like the type of person who was planning my murder or something, but you never know, right? I’d never had that kind of ‘offer’ as a date before and I wasn’t sure what his intentions were (if you know what I mean) despite us talking about what we wanted in terms of dating and past relationships. 

‘G’ was very persistent; I’ll give him that. And I’ll admit, it was nice. I felt quite ‘special’ because it’s not often that someone is that keen to meet me. He even offered to pick me up and drive me back to his, but again… I brushed it off by saying I had too much to do study wise. Which wasn’t a lie by the way because when you do a law degree; you’re drowning in books and case notes. Always.

SLOWLY DRIFTING...

Over the next few days, we pretty much just stopped talking. Literally, just like that. ‘G’ just didn’t reply one day and I didn’t bother continuing it. The fact that I wouldn’t meet him ASAP was clearly the reason why we stopped talking. I understood though. Because sometimes I can’t be arsed talking to someone for weeks on end before I meet them, if I meet them. I’d much rather meet sooner rather than later. Hell, I don’t care if we go on a fancy date or if we go for a fucking walk; I just like to meet as soon as we both can, ideally. So if going for walk is going to happen sooner, that’s what I’ll do. Having said that, there are a few occasions where I do talk to somebody for weeks before meeting because I know that sometimes people have busy schedules and distance is a bitch and so you do just have to wait. I would say that if this is the case; I must really enjoy talking to you and want meet you, a lot. 

I felt quite bad about the situation. Even though I hadn’t met ‘G’, I missed him, which I know is weird to say but those phone calls were part of my day and to be honest, they pretty much made my day at the time. I wanted to message him but in some sense, I would only be stringing him along as I knew he would expect me to meet him and I couldn’t. I knew that if we were to start talking again that he would insist on meeting and part of me still couldn’t bring myself to.

That was that, so I thought…

A FEW MONTHS LATER... 

We still had each others numbers and followed each other on social media. Occasionally ‘G’ would reply to a story of mine on Instagram or ask me a question. So, there was still a little bit of interaction between us which is why when he text me out of the blue one day, I was surprised but also quite happy. If there was anyone who had the balls to try again with me and hit me up like that, it would be ‘G’.

Needless to say, the phone calls started again, and ‘G’ was just as persistent in meeting me as he was before. He had not changed and the way we spoke to each other hadn’t either. We picked off where we left things I guess. As we had both been seeing people more local to us, we were telling each other how that had gone (badly, of course). 

Around this time, I had exams coming up. So no, I wasn’t going to meet him; again. At least, not until my exams were done and luckily, he text me just a day or two before my last one. I had no excuse then and I didn’t want an excuse actually. The fact that he even bothered to check in and message me in the first place was nice. Even if there was some ulterior motive behind it (a date/meet). 

‘G’ and I decided to meet on the evening of my last exam. It wasn’t a date date. As in, we didn’t go out and we didn’t even get dressed up. I think ‘G’ had realised from the last time that the idea of me going down to his house made me a little uncomfortable so this time he suggested he came up here, which was more than fine by me. 

Having finished my last exam, I know I should have been celebrating but I was just a little too burnt out from revision to do that and not everyone had finished their exams at the same time. It was the middle of winter too, so the last thing I wanted to do was go out in that weather. I do love winter funnily enough, but that evening was awful.

We decided to just have a complete chill evening at mine. Just sitting and talking. Like we would on the phone I guess, but in person. He was so laid back and up for anything and I’m a lot like that at times, probably more this time around because I had just finished my exams so I felt a lot lighter.

THE MEET...

‘G’ and I spoke that day after my exam and he couldn’t wait to drive down here. It was actually pretty sweet. 

When ‘G’ arrived at mine and parked up, I headed down to let him in. I was a mix of emotions that evening; relieved I had finished my exams and had some sort of freedom until 2nd semester, annoyed because my exam hadn’t gone amazing but also excited to finally meet ‘G’. Even if all we were going to do was sit there and talk. There was something from all the phone calls that we’d had that made this seem so normal and comfortable. 

I ran to the front door of my building and when I opened it, I saw ‘G’ for the first time. Woah, I liked what I saw. I really liked it. Considering the guy had made no effort just like I hadn’t; he still looked good. If I thought he looked attractive online, he sure as hell looked even better stood there right in front of me. He had a snapback on and I swear I have never found anyone to be attractive wearing one of those, especially the wrong way round. But ‘G’? He did look attractive. The whole situation was a bit like when you see an actor trying to disguise themselves from the tabloids or fans; you know, when they’re dressed ready to keep themselves on the ‘down low’ in public. Though I think that was only my thought because I knew he’d been to acting school. He didn’t even have to speak and I already knew I fancied him.

Now, I’m only 5ft myself, but ‘G’ was quite small for a guy too. That was a good thing though as it meant I wouldn’t have to strain my neck to look at him, etc. We headed up to my flat and when he came in, he made himself at home and sat on my bed. We both got a little bit awkward because this was the first time we had met each other and he was on my bed. I mean come on, that does sound dodgy. At least if I had gone to his place, he would’ve had several rooms; a living room being one. 

I don’t think it stayed awkward for long though, at least for me it didn’t. We just hit it off straight away and talked just like we did during our phone calls. We had a laugh and it was harmless; whether or not you believe it was ‘harmless’ is your choice, but it was. One thing I will always remember is I have this incredibly embarrassing notebook that I once wrote a few songs in when I was about 13. For some reason, I ended up telling ‘G’ this and naturally he wanted to read them. Getting to the point; he found the book but I managed to rip it out of his hands before he had the chance to read anything. Sadly, ‘G’ quickly took the book and I was unable to get it off him. We were both messing around like children do trying to catch each other and steal something (the book). It was during this that we ended up getting very close to one another and looking each other in the eye; the perfect moment for a kiss. However, neither of us went for it, well I think ‘G’ did but I had already backed away. I can be stupid like that at times. 

After reading the god awful ‘songs’ I once wrote as a teenager, ‘G’ returned to sitting on the bed and we carried on chatting. It was then that we decided to put music on. Eventually, we did kiss and I was a bit like asdfghjkl inside. I wasn’t wrong when I presumed he would be a good kisser. I can’t remember how the kiss came about, I feel like ‘G’ said something along the lines of “can I do something?” and then went for it, but I can’t be sure. Afterwards, he admitted that he would’ve kissed me when we were messing about on our feet in that ‘moment’ just like I thought. 

Time was ticking and it was around 11pm. I was more than okay with ‘G’ staying over if it made things easier for him and meant that he wouldn’t have to drive home and get back so late. ‘G’ was a bit undecided on what to do but chose to drive home. With how our date that wasn’t a date went, we agreed to see each other again and pretty soon. I liked him. He was everything I thought he would be, just more real. He was really fucking cool. 

I went down with him to see him off as I wanted to see his car (a nice, white BMW; fancy). It had just started raining but I didn’t care, I still went right the way with him to his car. As we said the final goodbye and hugged; we also kissed. But it wasn’t just a kiss, it was that ONE every girl hopes to experience one day thanks to soppy romance films. It was a kiss in the rain. Oh my god, I was living a cliche and I bloody loved it. I had never kissed in the rain before so this was my moment. 

I made sure ‘G’ text me when he got back so that I would know he arrived safe and he did. We exchanged a few messages, both saying how nice it was to meet and that we’d had a good time before going to sleep. All seemed good; until the next day...

OFF THE RADAR...

‘G’ went MIA. What I mean is, I messaged him and… I didn’t hear back. Nothing. Zero. No reply. But the funniest thing? ‘G’ had apparently not ‘seen’ my message on WhatsApp. To ‘see’ a message on WhatsApp, it needs to be ‘read’ so the ticks turn blue. My message didn’t do that, it just stayed grey instead. I didn’t think much of it at first because I know the guy was in the middle of trying to run a business and had clients to see to. I just presumed he’d reply later that day when he wasn’t so busy.

Hours went by and still nothing… my message still had those two grey ticks by the them. I was trying not to panic but when you’re used to things like this happening, it was hard. I wasn’t being left on read as such, I was just being ignored because ‘G’ had been online on WhatsApp all day. He had his online status visible so I could see exactly when he was last online. That both upset and annoyed me. If he changed his mind about last night, he was old enough to tell me and I was old enough to respect it. Again, if he was super busy with work, it would have taken seconds to send me a message, especially as he was using WhatsApp anyway. I wasn’t sure what to think.

Throughout that day, I replayed the whole evening in my head and there was no part that I could see that was ‘bad’ and would cause him to just not reply. It was weird. I didn’t want to double text but I think I did, I think I asked if everything was okay which again; wasn’t read. 

I am no longer the girl who chases a guy (I say this, knowing full well I still do sometimes… but I am learning, okay!). So, after a few days of hearing nothing from ‘G’ and my messages still having those two grey ticks next to them, I realised that I just wasn’t going to hear from him. So, I thought fuck it. That’s that. Whatever, it’s cool and it’s not as though I hadn’t had it happen to me before. It was unexpected but not surprising. I was disappointed but it happens. I didn’t know what I had done or said but obviously it was something. No matter how much I wanted an explanation, I had to embrace the fact that I wasn’t going to get one. I wasn’t even worthy of that. 

After how persistent ‘G’ had been from the very beginning in wanting to meet me, to us fizzling out, him then getting back in touch, finally meeting me, kissing me and kissing me in the rain to… this. Ghosting me. It was bizarre. I would have much preferred it if he had simply sent a single message saying he didn’t want to see me again than this. Surely, if ‘G’ didn’t like me, he wouldn’t have kissed me like that? Or maybe he did like me and then the kiss made him feel different, i.e. I was a bad kisser? I don’t know, but what I do know is that guys are fucking weird creatures. 

DM SLIDING...

Months had gone by and I still hadn’t heard a peep from ‘G’. Although we continued to follow each other on social media, I wasn’t expecting to hear from him ever again and in time, I was okay with that. I just saw the whole thing as an experience, an odd one; but an experience nonetheless.

Then out of nowhere, ‘G’ began to reply to some of my story updates and even asked me questions via Instagram. What? So, hang on, he was capable of replying to me via Instagram (randomly too may I add), but not capable of replying to a WhatsApp message? A message that had been left there for months? I was so confused and even a bit speechless too because I couldn’t believe it. His replies were as though nothing had happened. As though the fact we had met, shared a few kisses, etc didn’t happen. 

Now, I think I had every right to ignore him or question what happened; but, I didn’t do either when he occasionally messaged me. I simply replied hoping that he would put me out of my misery and say something himself, but he didn’t. So, like him, I decided to pretend as though none of it had happened. 

I should say that this whole replying to my Instagram stories still happens, by the way. ‘G’ will sporadically reply to some of the things I put up and I will still politely reply and acknowledge that. But I would be lying if I said that whenever this happens that I don’t want to say something, because I am still dying to know what happened that night and why he chose to blatantly ignore me afterwards. However, I think it’s too late now and it’s just something that happened. Albeit, I still feel disappointed with how things went. 

Going through a breakup recently, ‘G’ was one of the many who messaged me about it in shock, saying he thought we were ‘serious’ and ‘happy’, etc. He even asked how I was doing and hoped I was okay and then congratulated me on my university results. In return, I asked how he was and how his business was doing, etc. Turns out that like me, he was going through a shit time and fresh from a breakup. After a short conversation, that was it again and I’ve not heard anything since. Strange.

CONFUSUIONS CERTAIN...

Although this happened a while ago now, I'm still as confused as I was the first time around. All I can say is, ’G’ is a great actor. Due to how things went, I feel as though the version of ‘G’ I met that one night was maybe a bit of an act. Because all 10 of those qualities I wrote at the beginning of this post... he had. He was captivating and he certainly was confident and I fell for it. I thought he was genuinely interested which would have made sense with him being so determined for us to meet. After that night, I thought there could be potential. Yet, like I am with most situations relating to guys and dating; I was wrong. What's more laughable is the fact I actually asked him face-to-face that night whether it was all an act and whether I was in the company of the real ‘G’ or not. Whether he was being his true self. I think it’s pretty obvious now that I wasn’t in the company of that person.

Do I wish things had gone differently? Absolutely. Whatever I said or did, I’m obviously sorry for. But it’s hard to be sorry when you don’t know what the fuck it is that you did wrong in the first place. Maybe it was him or maybe it was me. I don’t know and I don’t think I ever will, but I do think something should have been said. I should have been told. If he found the whole thing awkward, he could have easily said; but, he didn't seem awkward that night. Plus, he didn't even have to come over, he could've waited and had a proper date with me. Again, if I wasn't what he was hoping or expecting for in person, all he had to do was let me know. I'm not everyones cup of tea and that's okay. 

But hey, it is what it is. You have these weird incidents when you’re single and on Tinder. It’s not all bad though because I finally had a kiss in the rain; so at least I can say there was one positive thing that came from this encounter, if nothing else did.